


The Real and Adult Conversation for Olicity

by mltschanz



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 02:25:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11303817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mltschanz/pseuds/mltschanz
Summary: SynopsisThis starts with a slight deviation of the Olicity kiss in the 5x23 finale and moves on to Star City upon everyone’s return where they have an adult conversation about everything.  Oliver finally, FINALLY, apologizes for the lie.  They discuss how poorly they have treated each other and the pain that resulted.  It is a real and adult conversation that allows them to “clear the air” regarding the horrible things they did to each other this season.SettingWe start at Lian Yu with the Olicity kiss in 5x23 then they go to Star City where the rest of the story takes place.





	The Real and Adult Conversation for Olicity

Felicity rises up on her toes, puts her hand on his neck and kisses Oliver. He responds tentatively but forces himself to pull away quickly. 

“What was that for?” Oliver asked as he voice quaked.

“Just in case. I didn’t want to regret not kissing you. I have enough regrets where the two of us are concerned.” She answers honestly.

He leans in and puts his forehead to hers and speaks softly so only she can hear:

“Felicity, I have regrets too. But let’s not take this any further, physically or emotionally, until we get back to Star City and have a chance to really talk. For the record, kissing you. Touching you. I don’t think it has ever been platonic even before we got together. Do you understand?” Oliver said sincerely and then took a cleansing breath.

“I understand.” Felicity answers barely above a whisper.

Oliver raised his head and says to everyone “Okay, let’s do this and get off this island.”  
While on the boat with Oliver and William, Chase shoots himself and the bombs on the island go off. Fortunately all of the team, Thea, Samantha, Slade and Nyssa make it to the fire proof ARGUS prison bunker before they go off. Oliver and William come back to shore and find them all safe. The only loss was Malcolm Merlyn when he saved Thea from the land mind. 

Sometime Later in Star City…

Oliver goes to the loft after Felicity texts him to please come by.

“Hi” Felicity says and lets him in.

“Hey. What’s up?” Oliver asks genuinely.

“I wanted you to come by so we could talk if that’s okay. If now isn’t a good time, it can wait.” Felicity said nervously.

“No, it’s a good time and this is too important.” Oliver responded truthfully.

Felicity shuts the door. They both walked over and sat down on the couch.

“I told you that I understand why you lied to me about William and I mean that. That said, I still don’t think you should have lied to me since I was your fiancé and we were planning a life together. I deserved better than that.” She said pain creeping into her voice.

“You’re right. I should have told you and you did deserve better than that. I’m truly sorry Felicity. I know I hurt you deeply but I was just trying to see my son. Samantha put a lot of fear into me with her condition and I gave into it when I shouldn’t have.” Oliver said remorsefully.

“Yes, you did. That is why I told you marriage is about inclusion and leaning on your partner. You could have told me and we could have dealt with it together. You chose to exclude me on some important things. I don’t want that in a relationship.” Felicity said softly.

“Felicity, I told you before we got off the island that I have regrets too. Not telling you about William and excluding you are two huge regrets.” Oliver answers earnestly.

“You told me that you don’t trust yourself. How can you trust someone else when deep down you don’t trust yourself?” Felicity asked.

“Good point. I know I need to work on that and would like your help if you’re willing.” Oliver told her sincerely.

“Oliver, you have to learn to trust yourself internally. No one can make you trust you.” Felicity stated matter of factly.

“You’re right of course. But it’s nice to have someone to lean on along the way. You’ve always been the one to encourage me and make me want to be better so I was hoping you would still do that.” Oliver said truthfully.

“So much has happened.” Felicity says as a tear slips down her cheek.

“Yeah.” Oliver responds not knowing what else to say.

“Oliver, it was wrong of me to not tell you beforehand that in my mind us having… sex wouldn’t change things. It wasn’t fair to you. I had some wine so my inhibitions were down, not that I’m using that as an excuse. It isn’t. Plus, I was missing you so much at that time that a part of me just couldn’t stop myself.” Felicity told him, her voice filled with regret.

“I understand. Apology accepted. For the record, I was missing you too, very much so. Still do. Felicity, I shouldn’t have gotten together with Susan. It was a huge mistake and another regret. I saw you moving on with Billy and it just hurt so much.” Oliver explained in a pain filled voice.

“You thought I was moving on but really I wasn’t. I was trying to move on because I was tired of always standing by you and giving you my unconditional trust and not have you return that same unconditional trust. I grew tired of waiting for you to change and fix your trust issues. But despite that, I couldn’t move on. I felt all of my insecurities come back and the whole time I was with Billy I was worried deep down when he would abandon me or lie to me. I didn’t know how to let that feeling go. Guess you could say that is something I have to work on.” Felicity said sadly and a few tears rolled down her check as she spoke.

Oliver listened as she talked and felt awful that Felicity would revert back to an insecure person who was afraid of never being enough or abandoned. “Felicity, I’m so sorry. You are so much better than those insecurities and fears from when you were younger.” He said sincerely trying to make her realize he was right.

“No I’m not Oliver.” Felicity said ruefully. She then realized she wanted to ask Oliver a question even though she felt certain she knew the answer. ‘I have to know for sure even if it hurts’ Felicity said to herself.

“You went to see her the night Billy died didn’t you?” Felicity asked barely above a whisper.

Oliver cringed but knew he had to tell her the truth.

“Yes.” He said softly but honestly.

A look of hurt flashes across her face but she quickly regains composure. “Thank you for your honesty.” Felicity replies in a tone filled with pain and some anger. Felicity wraps her arms around herself.

“Felicity, we just talked and had a drink. But I should have stayed and been a good friend to you. I just wasn’t sure if you wanted that since I killed Billy.” Oliver said honestly.

“I told you I blamed Prometheus. It was a painful and lonely night with nobody here.” Felicity said softly with a mixture of sadness and bitterness in her voice. Needing space, she got up quickly from the couch and walked over to the window.

Oliver felt guilt wash over him and notices her shutting down.

“Felicity, please don’t go silent on me now. Let’s keep talking.” He said in a pleading tone.

“We haven’t been very good friends to each other since the breakup have we?” She said ruefully still staring out the window.

“No, and I regret that. I miss you as my best friend.” Oliver said barely above a whisper.

A soft sob escapes Felicity as she stares out the window.

“Felicity, please turn around and look at me.” Oliver said as he feels his eyes start to glisten.

She quickly wipes away some tears before turning around.

“Don’t cry. Please don’t’ cry.” Oliver said softly wanting to hug her to provide some comfort but remaining in place.

“I know you needed my IT skills to help you with Susan that one time but it was really painful and humiliating for me. You were fighting for her and you didn’t fight for me.” Felicity said honestly.

“Felicity, I wouldn’t have asked that of you if I had any other choice but there is no one better. I didn’t mean to cause you more pain. You say I didn’t fight for you. Did it ever occur to you that I wanted to but just didn’t know how?” Oliver questioned gently.

“No.” Felicity answered.

“It true. You walked away from us and then the team. I saw how hurt you were and hated that I was the one to cause that. I just felt so lost and didn’t know how to reach out to you so we could fix things. Especially since we weren’t truly communicating effectively with each other.” He said softly as Oliver’s head dropped and shoulders sagged. 

“Oh” Felicity replied quietly.

“I knew how deeply I had betrayed your trust and couldn’t think of a way to make things right. That’s why I didn’t fight, not because I didn’t want to. I didn’t know how Felicity.” Oliver said sincerely as two ambient tears slipped down his cheeks.

“Okay.” Felicity said nodding in understanding.

“Felicity, you’re responding in one word sentences. Please talk to me.” Oliver implored.

“I appreciate what you said. Oliver, I meant what I told in the hospital. Find out what kind of man you are. Maybe then you can trust yourself.” Felicity responded honestly.

“Felicity, I want to do that and I want my best friend, you, by my side while I do that. Is that possible?” Oliver asked in a slightly pleading tone.

“All right, but we both need to be more inclusive. No more secrets or lies and we have to talk to each other.” Felicity answered.

“Okay.” Oliver told her earnestly.

“I’m serious Oliver. You have to include me in decisions. I don’t know if you realize it but you kept excluding me even as a partner.” Felicity says to him firmly.

“Felicity, I didn’t…” Oliver started to protest but Felicity kept going.

“It’s true Oliver. You did. I didn’t agree with your plan to rescue John yet you did it anyway. Instead of telling me to my face like a good partner that you were going to do it any way, you simply kept me out of the loop. Even worse, you brought Rory onto the team when you knew he was from Havenrock without considering how it would affect me. He was from Havenrock Oliver. You should have consulted with me as your partner. I mean, I killed his family for God sakes and you didn’t even talk to me.” Felicity said chocking on emotions as she said the last sentence.

Oliver realized he overlooked how bringing Rory onto the team had affected her and felt awful. This time he got up and walked over to her. Oliver put his hands on her forearms and gently turned her around so she could look at him when he responded.

“Felicity, again, I’m sorry. Your right. I should have said something to you first considering he was from Havenrock. However, for the record, you didn’t kill his family Felicity. Damien Darhk did.” Oliver said with conviction.

“Oliver, I was the one who had to diverted the missile after I failed to disarm it. I killed a lot of people that night.” She said with tears rolling down her face.

“You aren’t to blame. You had to make a horrible decision under great time constraints. Something you would not have had to do if Damien hadn’t launched the missiles. The souls of Havenrock are on Damien, not you.” Oliver repeated vehemently. He hated seeing Felicity filled with such self-loathing.

“I appreciate your perspective but it isn’t that simple or easy for me.” Felicity said truthfully.

“I should have seen how much Havenrock was still affecting you. I didn’t see it and I’m sorry. Felicity, you say that you killed a lot of people that night. I say you saved a lot of people. More would have died if you hadn’t been strong and did what you did. I repeat, the souls of Havenrock are on Damien Darhk, not you.” Oliver stated firmly.

“We both have had to do some hard and ugly things.” Felicity said softly knowing they were at an impasse on this topic based on their own internal perceptions.

“Fair point.” Oliver answered.

“As I said, we both need to be more inclusive. I kept you in the dark about Helix. I wasn’t exactly fair or inclusive to you or the team on that one. But I meant what I said in the hospital that after losing Billy I couldn’t stop until Chase was stopped. I owed him that much. I saw Helix as the way.” Felicity explained ruefully.

“You could have talked to me. We could have found a different way together. I know you didn’t like it when I told you I didn’t want you to partner with Helix and become like me but do you understand now why I said it?” Oliver stated.

“Yes.” Felicity responded.

Oliver had to be certain that she did understand so he continued. “It’s bigger than me not trusting myself Felicity. The partnership with Helix was leading you down a dark path. That darkness does something to a person’s soul and there is no going back. I never wanted that for you. Dig and I were already changed by dark actions we regret and I didn’t want that for you. Now some of the light and hope you had is diminished and gone, never to return. You purity and light was something special Felicity and I didn’t want you giving any of that up. It’s why Dig and I value you so much. It balances our darkness. It saddens me greatly that a part of that is gone now. You gave up part of your soul when we could have found another way if you would have just talked to me.” Oliver said firmly.

“Like I said in the hospital, I had to bring down Chase after Billy.” Felicity stated with a touch of defensiveness.

“I understand. Let me ask you, do you think that is what Billy would have wanted?” Oliver asked.

“Probably not.” Felicity said ruefully.

“If he was the man I think he was the answer is no and you know it.” Oliver answered softly.

“Guess we both found it hard to reach out to the other.” Felicity responded contritely as she sat back down on the couch. She realized the truth of Oliver’s words and it hit her hard. Felicity couldn't deny that she had felt something shift inside her based on her interactions with Helix and that the shift was not in a good way.

“It appears so.” Oliver answered as he sat down again as well. He could see that his words were having a deep effect on her. That realization was bittersweet for Oliver. He hated being right about Helix but was relieved Felicity was grasping the full consequences of her actions so she wouldn’t go further down her dark path.

“We have to talk to one another Oliver if we are going to be inclusive. No more shutting each other out because of pain, fear, or desperation.” Felicity said earnestly looking him in the eye.

“I agree Felicity. Since the explosion that trapped us in the bunker, we’ve been better able to talk. I don’t want to lose that. As I said, I miss my best friend.” Oliver said quietly, his voice quaking with emotion.

“Well, considering how stubborn we both can be it figures it would take a life and death situation to snap us out of our problematic communication.” Felicity quipped trying to lighten the moment.

“True. Felicity, I know we agreed to date and take things slowly at my birthday party. I also think we obviously needed to have this conversation as well. So, what now?” Oliver asked gently. 

“We take things one day at time like I mentioned when we talked at your party. We can date but in all honesty I need to see you work on trusting yourself before I will commit my heart completely to you again. If you can truly trust yourself then you can give me your complete trust. I was telling you the truth when I said I needed your complete trust that night in the bunker.” Felicity answered sincerely, looking him in the eyes as she talked.

“Okay, I understand. For the record, I’m scared too. I’m afraid that you will walk again if things get tough. I know that might not be exactly fair because I did lie and caused your pain. But at the same time, you didn’t truly give me a chance to explain or fix things. You just left and that really hurt because I thought we were worth trying to fix things. When you ended things without giving us that opportunity, it seemed like you didn’t feel the same way.” Oliver said his voice quaking with emotion and his eyes glistening.

“I didn’t think of it that way. In fact, I wasn’t thinking very clearly at all with all the pain I was in. The hurt and pain were overwhelming and I couldn’t see or get beyond those emotions in that moment. I made a mistake because retreating into myself is my defense mechanism when I feel abandoned or betrayed. It has been since I was seven. That doesn’t make it right though. I’m sorry.” Felicity said softly as a few ambient tears rolled down her face.

“Maybe as you and I work through all our issues we can help each other with our weakness.” Oliver stated quietly.

“Perhaps so.” Felicity said gently. 

“In the meantime, we’ll take it one day a time like you suggest. Also, I have a condition.” Oliver said softly.

Felicity was taken aback with his last sentence. “What condition Oliver?” She asked.

“We can kiss, hug, and hold hands but no real intimacy. Not until we have worked through our issues and things are different. Not until it changes thing. That way we can give our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls to each other when we make love. Like I said on the island, I don’t think touching you has ever been platonic.” Oliver told her in a soft tone that had an underpinning of pain. He couldn’t help it. He had to draw a line so what happened in the bunker wouldn’t happen again so Oliver established a relationship parameter to avoid that. Oliver needed her to understand that although a part of him desperately wanted to make love to her, his gut was telling him to wait for it to be right.

Felicity could see the discomfort she caused in his eyes. She saw how deeply she had hurt him that night. “Agreed. Again, I’m sorry Oliver. I should have been upfront with you. I should have just left after having the wine.” Felicity responded contritely and feeling riddled with guilt.

“I already told you apology accepted Felicity. Don’t beat yourself up over it. In fairness, I didn’t stop you either. I just don’t want that to happen again without it truly meaning something, without it changing things.” Oliver explained.

“Fair enough.” Was all Felicity could say.

“Thankfully a lot of things are out in the open now. I do want us to be good friends and have a strong romantic relationship. So I was thinking, can we start with a simple and friendly lunch at Big Belly Burger tomorrow? Would that be okay?” Oliver queried.

“Yes, that sounds nice. I’d like that.” Felicity responded sincerely.

“Lunch it is. I have a meeting with City Planning Department staff that will likely run until 12:30. We could meet after that if that works for you?” Oliver inquired.

“I can do that.” Felicity said with a smile.

The smile gave Oliver hope that they were finally on the right track to finding their way back to one another.

“I’m looking forward to it.” Oliver told her in earnest. He gently took her hand and gave a light squeeze.

Felicity gently squeezed his hand back.

“Oliver, I’m glad we talked.” Felicity said looking him in the eyes.

“Me too. The conversation was long overdue.” Oliver told her looking back into Felicity’s eyes and smiled warmly.

Oliver and Felicity stayed like that for a minute in comfortable silence. They were more at ease with each other than they had been in a long time despite the intense conversation they had just had.

In the months to come, Felicity and Oliver had many friendly meals and rebuilt their friendship. They also went on occasional dates and took things slowly to reestablish the romantic feelings they shared.

All the while, Felicity opened up about Havenrock and Helix to Oliver. He was supportive and understanding when she had nightmares or panic attacks about Havenrock. Oliver remained nonjudgmental when she spoke to him about Helix despite his deep regrets about her new dark side. As she focused on healing from the pain in her past, Felicity realized that she was letting the fear and pain of the past control her and it didn’t have to be that way. She slowly comprehended that she could let go of the insecurities in her past. 

Oliver did some serious soul searching regarding Chase making him believe he liked killing. Felicity reminded Oliver of the fact that he fought to get some humanity back and his vow of no killing after Tommy’s death prove Chase wrong. She stressed to Oliver that to give into Chase’s delusion demeaned all of that growth after he returned. ‘Would Tommy calling me a murderer have hurt like it did if I truly liked killing?’ Oliver asked himself. He became certain the answer was no. Oliver began to understand the 5 years of hell had broken him in some fundamental ways that he hadn’t realized. Chase played into those weaknesses and manipulated that ugliness and Oliver recognized that he had let him. Finally, Oliver slowly accepted the truth that he killed because he had to and was trained to, not because he liked it. All of the revelations during his soul searching allowed Oliver to trust himself and better trust others. Oliver began to see things more clearly.

Helping each other with their respective issues allowed Felicity to see that he completely trusted her this time and made Oliver realize Felicity wouldn’t walk away again. 

They took things slowly in the romance department and gradually the deep loving connection that was there before the breakup was reborn inside them both. Even so, they were careful not to move to fast because neither wanted to relive the pain of the breakup or repeat their mistakes.

It was a long, slow journey that ultimately took a year from their “adult conversation” before they were able to completely commit their heart to one another again without fear. Once they were fully committed to one another, they made love once again. The physical union felt like a blissful homecoming for both Oliver and Felicity bringing them a great sense of peace in the loving aftermath.

**Author's Note:**

> Was that a much needed adult conversation or what?! Both of them were dropping some serious truth bombs. The fact is Olicity now has to not only deal with the lie but also all the awful things they did to each other during this season. This fanfic author doesn’t have a lot of faith in Marc and Wendy doing that so I wrote my own version.


End file.
